10 Key Phrases to Lead a Team in Almost Any Situation

Say these words to yourself and your team to keep it growing and meet your goals

This post was first published on my Medium blog—follow me there for the most up-to-date entries!

If you aspire to grow your business, you won’t be solopreneur forever. At some point, you’ll need to lead a team. At first, that team might be your spouse or your sister, but it will grow; soon you’ll have an employee or a contractor. Whether you think you’re capable or not, you’re leading your team in your microbusiness.

Before I owned my own business, I had been in leadership positions. I had been a clinical instructor in three prestigious universities, I had been a high-level nurse administrator in a major medical center, and I had been the founding editor of Nursing for Women’s Health. So I had had some experience with leading a team of one sort or another. Yet, I didn’t feel prepared to lead a team in my own tiny business.

Finally, I realized that in every one of these situations, I had developed a few key phrases I could say to my team or to myself. I started using these phrases decades ago, and still use them to this day to lead my team well.

1. What was it about my leadership that caused this outcome?

I got this question from NYT bestselling author Michael Hyatt. Apparently, a big mistake or upheaval of some kind had happened while he held a leadership role at a major publishing house. He told his boss about it. She asked, “What was it about your leadership that caused this outcome?”

I’ve asked this question of my teammates, either individually or as a group, many times. It’s not easy. I realize that in doing so, I will be served a giant piece of humble pie.

Yet, humble pie is a necessary part of leading a team. It means averting a habit of bad leadership: the inclination to blame someone else. As NYT best-selling author John Maxwell said in this book 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, leading means being willing to go first. (He’s blogged about it here as well.) So, be the first to accept at least part of the blame.

I’ve found that teammates are more forthcoming than I might have anticipated, and also more insightful. They tell me where I missed the boat. That gives me my first step to avoid that mistake in the future, and maybe the first step to fix what just went wrong.

2. Let’s consider this a 3-month trial

Let’s face it. Change is hard for everyone. Our subconscious is pre-programmed to maintain the status quo and stay in our comfort zone. But change is inevitable.

Before I offer a 3-month trial, however, I revisit the “T” in the HOT decision I used to arrive at the change. In her book How To Decide, Annie Duke talks about HOT decisions.

H: Will it make me happy?
O: Is there only one option?
T: Is this a two-way door?

If this decision is not a two-way door, I don’t offer the 3-month trial to my team. However, there are relatively few decisions you’ll make while leading a team that are completely irreversible. (Read more about effective decision-making here.)

Most of our decisions are about much smaller issues. For example, I asked my team to start holding a scrum meeting three times a week. I could see they were not enthused about that idea. So I said, “Hey! What we’re doing now isn’t working. Let’s try scrum for 3 months. If it truly doesn’t work or if you just hate it, I’ll cancel it.”

It was lumpy when we started. But I did follow up with the team. Here’s what I finally learned: three times a week was too much, since they all met for a different reason one day per week, and they could integrate some of the scrum into the existing meeting that day. I suggested holding scrum twice a week. Nearly two years later, that’s still working, and I think we all look forward to scrum.

3. Tell me more about that

Teammates get torqued up about something that bugs them. When they hesitate during the conversations, I can feel myself wanting to ask a question. I don’t. Instead, I simply say, “Tell me more about that.”

I use a variation of that sentence when an outsider has told me about a teammate’s error of commission or omission. I simply say to the teammate, “So-and-so tells me thus-and-such. I’d like to hear from you; tell me what happened.”

Yes, it’s about giving employees a chance to tell their side of the story. But I’ve sometimes learned that there’s a deeper, system-level problem that was not immediately obvious. For example, the employee thought they were abiding by the policy, but I realize the policy wasn’t clear.

No matter the outcome, this is an important, judgment-free phrase to gather the information you need to lead a team.

4. How does this fit with our (mission, goals, projects, etc.)

I developed this phrase when I was on the executive board of the national Healthy Mothers Healthy Babies Consortium. Everyone on the executive board was full of innovative, helpful ideas about new projects or programs. Yet, having all that brainpower sitting at the table was sometimes counterproductive, because we went off on tangents.

Finally, I felt a need to move on. So, I would ask how this project or program would further our mission. Discussion would ensue, and, more often than not, a board member would eventually say, “Actually, I don’t see how it does.” Hmm.

The same is true on a smaller scale. My team often suggests doing a new project (big, or small). I can feel my juices flowing! But I force myself to ask, “How would this project support our quarterly or annual OKRs, or our corporate mission?” I then remind them that a project must support an objective, or the corporate mission in general.

I try to avoid giving a flat-out “no” when leading a team, for fear that squelching an idea will impair the teammate’s ability to speak up later. In phrasing it this way, I’m putting the onus of responsibility onto them.

5. What’s the outcome we’re looking for here?

I’m big on the Donabedian model: structure, process, outcome. That’s because I spent half of my life doing processes that were exciting, innovative, or enjoyable before I realized that they weren’t helping me to grow my business or make me any happier in my personal life.

A variation is, “How will we measure our success?”

This question helps me to focus, but it also helps to give my team some skin in the game for getting the outcome. It encourages others to share my thought processes while leading a team.

6. Help me to understand

I picked up this phrase when a new Director of Nursing started at the major medical center where I worked. I finally realized that — not always, but often — this phrase was actually her code for, “Why on earth are you going down that rabbit hole?” This sort of gentle redirection is vital for leading a team.

Now, as a business owner, if I disagree with a someone, or I see a landmine ahead, or I just want to cut to the chase, I urge the teammate to “help me understand.” Best of all, they do indeed help me to see where they’re coming from, and sometimes I recognize that although I might not entirely agree, there is a sparkling gem hidden in what they just said.

7. What are the next few steps you need to take to get this done?

Martin Luther King said that he didn’t need to see the whole staircase, just the first few steps. This is a major key to success.

None of us have it all figured out from the first moment we decide to do “it,” whatever “it” is. If someone had ever said to me, “Marie, how do you think you’re ever gonna get hired to write exam questions, write messaging for a medical device company, or coach people on how to grow their business,” I couldn’t have told you. But here I am, doing all of that and more.

8. If that’s the worst thing you ever do while you work here, we’re all set!

People make mistakes. You do. They do.

Conscientious people don’t want to make mistakes. Honest people take accountability for their errors and omissions. People-pleasers fall all over themselves trying to make their boss happy. If you’re leading a team, in any context, you want to preserve these qualities in a teammate, right?

I’ve heard all sorts of errors of commission and omission. Most of them are fairly trivial, creating nothing but some inconvenience or re-doing. Some cost time and money. A few of them might possibly be catastrophic to the business, but probably not. So, I usually listen, and say, “Well, if that’s the worst thing you ever do while you’re in my employ, we’re all set.”

I have a low tolerance for incompetence and dishonesty. I’m fairly good at forgiving. Yet, I’m not a pushover! But I’ve lived long enough to know that most people are honest, hard-working, and want to do it right the first time. (Let me be quick to say, however, that if they’re not, I rely heavily on my intuition to show them the door within the first 3 months.)

9. What if the barrier is only in my head?

I seldom say this to others, but I often say it to myself to help me lead my team.

I distinctly remember hearing Michael Hyatt tell the story about his dog, Nelson. He said that after he shut off the invisible fence, took off the collar, stopped the shocks, and bribed Nelson with treats (including raw meat), he simply could not get his dog to cross the line of the invisible fence. (Matthew Kent gives the details.) The physical barrier wasn’t there. Hyatt’s question to me and his other coaching clients was, “What if the barrier is only in your head?”

Similarly, my friend Sandra Reich, a top therapist in Toronto, has said, “It’s ALL the story in your head.”

My question to you is, what if you told yourself a different story? Remember that thoughts are guests in your mind — make sure you’re inviting helpful thoughts instead of limiting ones.

10. Today God has given me all the resources I need to do my job

This is what I tell myself.

Okay, apologies if you don’t believe in God. But believe in karma or believe in the Universe or yourself or believe in your training or education or the law of attraction or something. Believe that you have an endless supply of whatever it is you need to make a difference to yourself, your team and world.

Whatever you do, don’t go around thinking you don’t have the power to grow yourself and your business.

Phrases for leading a team

We’d all love to be able to come up with fully original wisdom in every situation, but that’s unrealistic. Everyone needs some phrases tucked away in their minds that they can deploy when they need them — everyone needs a script. And if you aren’t deliberate about creating scripts for yourself that match your beliefs, your first reactions will be all you can rely on.

So use these ten leadership phrases to develop your own scripts to lead a team. Reach for these as your first responses, and you’ll be pleased with the outcomes.